The Way Akatsuki Lives
by AnimeUnlimited
Summary: The Akatsuki live an almost normal life. While being S-rank criminals is a bit of a downer. Perhaps finding out who the masked man Tobi really is will cheer them up, and why are they taking a surprise visit to the Hidden Leaf? Rated T for Hidan's foul mouth... And the occasional swear word! First Fanfic hope you enjoy! :)


_**The Way Akatsuki Lives: **_

Narrator: The whole Akatsuki had gathered at the park nearby Konoha, but they don't know why they were told to come here. Kakazu is counting his money. Hidan is scoping out sacrifices for Jashin. Konan is straightening out her hair. Pain was staring off into space, bored. Tobi was being annoying. Zetsu was taking in the view. Sasori was adjusting his puppets. Deidara was making a clay thing (art). Kisame was eating some fish, and Itachi was eating dumplings from Kisame.

Pain: I am very bored. Who even called this meeting to order!

Whole Akatsuki: (minus Pain) You did!

Pain: {Sweatdrop} Well why are we here? I mean, what I said! I can't remember.

Kisame: Hahaha, you are getting old! {Pointing and laughing}

Pain: {Shocked expression} I'm not old!

Tobi: {Happy expression} How about we just play? I mean it's a park.

That's what it's for!

Sasori: {Unhappy expression] Never in a million years…

Tobi: Why? I mean we're here and it took a while to get here!

Konan: Well, it has not to far fetched, how about we spend just a little time here?

Hidan: Don't be put under mind control from that little assholes tricks, we should just go home. At this rate I'll never be able to talk to Jashin from my prayer times!

Kakazu: I'm staying, at least for a break until we go back.

Sasori: Me two. I guess I could use some time outside…

Deidara: Me three. Hmm…

Itachi: Me four.

Kisame: Me five.

Hidan: Fine, me six.

Tobi: Yeah, you're all staying! Me first! I thought of it after all! {VERY happy expression}

Whole Akatsuki: (minus Tobi) {sigh} _Does he ever shut up or stop being annoying. Probably not._

Narrator: So the Akatsuki stay at the park. Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Deidara Tobi and Pain play a form of extreme tag on the massive play set. Kakazu and Konan discuss the proper budget. Sasori and Zetsu discuss points of view of the problem of cannibalism.

Tobi: So I'm it first?

Pain: Yes, and you have to use your powers to catch us. We use our powers to not get tagged. Easy enough?

Tobi: Yeah! Let's play!

Zetsu: Don't get upset Tobi if they sneak off, it's probably what they will do anyway…

Tobi: No way! They know what happens if things don't go my way! {Cutesy yet sinister look}

Kisame: Hehehehe, I'll sneak into this pond where no one will find me!

Itachi: Whatchya doing down here, Kisame? {Wearing a scuba diving suit and goggles.}

Kisame: _Those orange goggles, they seem like, I've seen them somewhere. _I can ask you the same thing; what are you doing in the water?

Itachi: I found these goggles under Tobi's bed, in a box that says, "No Touch\Open Or I'll Kill Your Whole Mother #&*%^? Clan!"

Kisame: Wow, to think he actually knows the f word! You think he's hiding something?

Itachi: I think so; meet with me tonight outside Tobi's room. {Floats up to surface.}

Tobi: {Sitting on a park bench.} Did everyone just leave? Tobi gives up!

Zetsu: I warned you they'd leave.

Tobi: You didn't leave, but how come you didn't stop them… {Sad expression}

Zetsu: You really want me to get between those people…

The Narrator: Meanwhile, the Akatsuki where on there way back to the base. They were on the forest trail, and very little light was able to push through the dense and thickly overpopulating trees. This made the area ideal for your typical un-see-able hideout. This is essential when you are S-rank criminals and you're wanted everywhere!

Pain: I can't believe Tobi actually fell for that. {Walking back towards Akatsuki hideout}

Sasori: You would think that when we wanted five minutes to hide he would catch on.

Deidara: I guess he really is an idiot! Hmm…

Hidan: He's a freakin' retard; it's what I would expect!

Kisame: I just wonder how he's going to act when he finds out we ditched him.

Whole Akatsuki: (minus Tobi) {mind visual} Tobi's gonna kill you! %(^*&^& (**$ ^ %$## !

The Narrator: The Akatsuki get shivers down their spine thinking about what Tobi will do when he finds out they skipped out.  
Konan: Well, I guess this means everyone has to play dumb. _Not that it will be very hard because you're all idiots already._

Kakazu: I say we should just kill Tobi, what he is even in the Akatsuki for anyway.

Whole Akatsuki: (minus Tobi and Pain) {glare directly at Pain}

?: Hey guys! Wait up!

Whole Akatsuki: (minus Tobi) Who's there?

Tobi: It's me, Tobi!

Hidan: Shit, he found us already!

Kakazu: Shut up, or he'll notice we left on purpose.

Kisame: Ahh, you found us!

Deidara: {face palm} _really Kisame…? Really…? Hmm…_

Itachi: We were just trying to hide.

Deidara: _Damn Itachi. Saving our asses again… Hmm!_

Sasori: So, we just keeping heading this direction, and then were at the base.

Tobi: You guys were going to hide at the hideout! Wow! That's so smart!

Deidara: _Why do I feel that's more like sarcasm…?_

Pain: Alright, let's just go… We'll discuss the plan later…

Konan: So we have the 1, 2, and 3 tails, so our targets will then be 4, 5, and 6 tails.

Tobi: Oh, oh! What about the 7, 8, and 9 tails!

Pain: Those will be next after these biju.

Narrator: For the most part the way back is pleasant. However, Tobi's annoyance gets on everyone's nerves… So a lot of arguments ensue. Finally they get back to the base.

Tobi: So what's our plan?

Pain: Itachi and Kisame will take the six tails, Hidan and Kakazu will take the five tails, and Deidara, Sasori… {Sigh} and Tobi, will take the four tails.

Konan: Any problems with this?

Sasori: {Raises hand.} Yes, I think we shouldn't have to take Tobi with us.

Deidara: I agree. Hmm! {Smirk}

Pain: You have too; he was going to be Sasori's replacement, but you came back to life. Technically, it should just be Deidara and Tobi.

Kisame: Hahaha, you're stuck with Tobi! {Wild grin}

Itachi: I won't do that if I were you, Kisame. Deidara blew up seven hideouts and bases within the time he has been in the Akatsuki. Manly because people have pissed him off.

Deidara: Yup, that's right; maybe I can make that number eight! Hmm! {Threatening expression}

Pain: {Fusing expression} you do that and you can make a new one right next to the old one!

Konan, Kakazu and Itachi: {Face palm} _Why are they all idiots?!_

Narrator: Soon it is late at night, and Kisame remembers what Itachi told him. So he goes outside of Tobi's room to meet up with Itachi.

Itachi: Hello Kisame, this is pretty risky, you ready?

Kisame: Totally. What exactly are we looking for again, a box?

Itachi: Yes. {Opens door VERY carefully}

Narrator: Itachi and Kisame move slowly into Tobi's room… Looking for the box labeled, "No Touch Or I'll Kill Your Entire *&%$ !* Clan!"

Kisame: Hey hold on, where's Tobi, he's not in his bed! {Look of concern}

Itachi: Maybe he's still up, with Tobi, you never quite know…

Kisame: Alright, look I see the box! {Points under bed to box}

Itachi: Good work, let's see what we've got.

Kisame: {Closes door quietly}

Itachi: {Grabs box and opens it} Wow! {Shocked expression}

Kisame: Wow! You're shocked, that's nearly impossible… {Impressed expression}

Itachi: Kisame, you have to look at this stuff!

Kisame: {Looks into box} Holy shit! {Pulls out photograph} _I think this_ _could be Tobi without his mask!_

Itachi: {Pulls out chains} Kisame, do you think this is stuff from his past?

Kisame: Probably, come here, look! {Shows photograph, do you think this is really him? Tobi, but like, without his mask on!

Itachi: Holy crap, this stuff could be worth millions! Grab the box Kisame, were going to my room!

Kisame: Yes! {Grabs box}

Narrator: Tobi and Kisame then took the box full of strange objects to Itachi's room. Luckily, Tobi seemed to never notice when he came back into his room after using the bathroom.

Tobi: {Yawn} I'm so tired… Zzzzzzz…

Itachi: Alright, so my plan is we look through this and then invite Pain and Konan in here. Of course we have to make sure Tobi isn't around.

Kisame: Sounds good to me… Hey Itachi, doesn't this look like a smaller Kakashi? {Points to silver haired kid in photograph}

Itachi: It does. That person in the back, the sensei, I believe it's the fourth Hokage, or the Yellow Flash! Minato Namikaze! {Points to yellow haired guy in the photograph}

Kisame: You really think it is, isn't that, Naruto Uzumaki's, the Nine Tails jinchuriki's father?

Itachi: Yeah. You can see the similarity pretty well. What about her? {Points to brown haired girl in photograph [Rin]}

Kisame: I don't know; she doesn't look like anyone I know.

Itachi: So, this black haired kid, {Points to black haired boy} his hair is exactly like Tobi's.

Kisame: Wait a second, those goggles you had! This boy is wearing them!

Itachi: {Pulls out orange goggles with a smile}

Kisame: So now we have a picture, a piece of apparel, but we still have no name!

Itachi: This is a really big break through, but we really need to keep this a secret. If Tobi finds out we took his box, well he's going to kill your whole clan!

Kisame: Hey! Why'd you just say my clan!

Itachi: Because I killed my whole clan…

Kisame: Right, right, but then he'd probably kill Sasuke!

Itachi: I think that's pretty unlikely, but nice guess.

?: {knock on door}

Kisame and Itachi: {Looks of worry}

Itachi: Hurry! Put the box back!

Kisame: {Shove under Itachi's bed}  
Itachi: Come in.

Pain: {Opens door} Why in the world are you both still up, and why do you both look guilty…

Kisame: Is anyone else with you?

Pain: Of course not!

Itachi: Is Konan still up?

Pain: Yes? Why?

Itachi and Kisame: Because we have something you guys will want to see!

Narrator: Now it was one in the morning and Kisame holding the box of secrets, and Itachi, Pain and Konan where in Pain's room. The door locked. They choose this room because it was the farthest from Tobi's room.

Konan: {Yawn and rubs eyes} Why are we all here again?

Itachi: It's about Tobi, who he really is.

Kisame: We found this box {Gestures to box of secrets} and it was full of evidence of who he really is!

Pain: Really? Well show us. I want to know about who Tobi really is! {Look of awe}

Konan: Cool, what do you have so far…?

Kisame: We have a picture. {Shows picture of Team Minato}

Itachi: The boy in the photo,{points to black haired boy} we have his **orange** goggles! {Shows goggles}

Pain: Wow, this boy has the exact same haircut as Tobi!

Itachi: The best part is we haven't even gone through the whole box yet… {Guilty smile}

Konan: _Now I'm impressed! This is really something! Maybe these two aren't complete idiots…_

Tobi: {Knock on door obnoxiously} Guys it's an emergency! My box of secrets was stolen, so you have to help me!

Itachi, Konan, Pain and Kisame: {Sweat-drop} _What is he going to do if he finds out we stole it, it'll be even worse then usual… He'll kill us for real!_

Kisame: Oh no! He's going to kill our clans!

Tobi: Don't bother; I won't look in your room because you defiantly wouldn't have taken it. I just need to find it, because it may have been stolen by Leaf shinobis! Then they would find out my secret identity and use it against me, us, and the plan for collecting the tailed beasts!

Pain: {Sigh} Alright, let's look for it then…

Tobi: By the way, have you seen Itachi-senpai or Kisame-senpai, they weren't in their rooms!?

Pain: {Unexpected look and Sweatdrop} Uhh, I bet they went outside to get some fresh air, or to practice? I don't know what they are doing. {Looks at Kisame and Itachi as he gestures out the window}

Konan [whispering]: _Go outside so it doesn't seem like Pain was lying, and pretend you were practice-fighting…_

Kisame and Itachi [whispering]: Alright. {Hop out window}

Narrator: You see the window is halfway around the house and then there is a clearing where the wanted ninjas can keep sharp on their skills with a little practice. However, there are already two ninjas outside, which means Kisame and Itachi, will have to explain them, so these two nin can back up the two's story.

Itachi: {Relieved look} Looks like we got out of that one… Without having too deal with Tobi's nuclear anger…

Kisame: It isn't good enough until we make it to the clearing! {Points to sunlight clearing in back of Akatsuki base}

Itachi: Ok, let's hurry! {Runs toward clearing, Kisame following}

Kisame: [out of breath]: {Huff and puff} Alright! We escaped the little Hellion! {High-fives Itachi}

Sasori: Do you mean Tobi? He's asked everyone to look for his box, and yet the idiot never even asked Pain…

Zetsu: Yes, he can't loose the box. It would be VERY bad if one of the Akatsuki even found out his true identity… Not that I'm saying one of the Akatsuki did… Unless you guys did.

Kisame and Itachi: {Exchange looks of; _shit, haven't even said a word and we already have been found out…_

Kisame: Alright fine, we know who it is but you guys have to keep it from Tobi because there is something on the box mentioning killing your whole clan… Itachi can escape that, but Konan, Pain and I can't…

Sasori: I admire your pity and mercy, so I will keep my part. I just want to know who he is anyway.

Zetsu: {Silent} …

Itachi: How about you, Zetsu?

Zetsu [black side]: I already know who Tobi is, and I would rather see him happy then acting like his real self… Hmm… Perhaps… No, I will just leave… You can tell Sasori, but I have a VERY good idea of who the stealers are… {Practically means Itachi and Kisame}

Sasori: Well, who is he?

Kisame: First, we have to keep the box hidden until Tobi leaves, and then we can share with everyone, except Zetsu…

Itachi: Perhaps Pain can send Zetsu and Tobi on a scouting mission together; to get them both out of our hair. Besides, I don't think we can trust Zetsu… The way he acted was suspicious…

Tobi: {Opens back patio door to backyard clearing} Oh, Kisame and Itachi-senpai! I was looking for you two, can you uh-uh; help me find my box of secrets?!

Kisame: Actually how about you go scouting to find it, because we actually heard from Sasori here, {points to Sasori, who tenses when he realizes he has been mentioned in the conversation} that your box was missing and that we searched all the rooms, even Pain's.

Tobi: Oh really! Thanks guys! {Jumps over and hugs Kisame and Itachi; sounds of breaking spines…} Oh you guys make me so happy! {Stops hugging and skips away} I'll go scouting, and I'll take Zetsu too! Hey Zetsu want to… {Closes patio door}

Sasori: Wow, I keep saying it, but Tobi is a complete idiot…

Kisame and Itachi: My back!

Itachi: I think my spines dislocated, but at least we got ride of the fool and his sneaky spy.

Narrator: Now the Akatsuki have gone back inside, and watch Tobi and Zetsu leave… While secretly everyone itches to see what Itachi and Kisame had discovered. Tobi and Zetsu have been gone for three minutes, and will be back in three hours, enough time to search the forest and the nearby village.

Hidan: So what the hell are we all gathered here for again, something about that baby Tobi?

Deidara: Yeah, but about who he really is under that ridiculous thing he wears on his face. Hmm…

Kakazu: I want to know who he is, I bet he's from the Leaf, considering the way he hides his eye… In fact, I bet he's a member of the Uchiha clan.

Sasori: Those are all obvious things. We've seen his Sharingan eye. If anything we just want to know what he looks like under his mask…

Hidan: Who gives a damn what's under his mask. Even if it turns out he's super attractive or something under it, it's not like we'll ever see him like that. Besides, I heard from Itachi it was one from the bastard's younger days. Where talking when he only, like, thirteen or twelve, not even eighteen or anything…

Konan: Alright, here is the box! Let's look at all the secrets Tobi has hidden!

Pain: Here is the photo of him when he was thirteen, and as proof the goggles from him in the picture!

Kisame: These are the chains he used on the Nine Tails assault on Konoha, the masked man, was all they had on the topic!

Itachi: OH MY LORD! HURRY LOOK! {Holds up… Birth Records} NAME: OBITO UCHIHA!

Whole Akatsuki: (minus Tobi, Zetsu and Itachi) OBITO UCHIHA!

Narrator: While the Akatsuki stumble upon Tobi\Obito's birth records. Obito is with Zetsu not to far away hear some rather surprising news…

Zetsu [black side]: They probably found out already… Who you really are.

Obito: It doesn't matter, It won't matter what my name is, Tobi, Obito, Madara, I don't need a name to complete the Moon Eye plan… {Dark version of Tobi voice}

Zetsu: I always expected that from you… I have a report from one of my roots. It's a real major thing… We should check it out.

Obito: Anything major, sure, but what is it?

Zetsu [black side]: Here is the news feed article: A black haired and eyed boy appeared in the Leaf Village a day ago, claiming to be Obito Uchiha, the long thought to be dead hero of Kannabi Bridge. The birth records have gone missing, and suspicion is awakened because the boy suddenly appeared in the village in what was described as, a giant spiral that lead to his right eye. The fifth Hokage has nothing on where the boy came from or how he appeared in the village. He is now on the run from the ANBU who want to get a blood sample and perform "tests" to confirm if he is the long dead Uchiha clan member.

Obito: Heh, I remember being afraid of needles, but how is this possible… How could there be two of me? There must be a logical reason. Perhaps something to do back during the war, and the boulder…

Zetsu [black side]: So shall we head back?

Obito: Yes, at least for the moment… To get supplies, and then we, the whole Akatsuki, head to the Leaf for a surprise attack. We attack and capture Nine Tails and we get to see this look alike of me…

Zetsu [black side]: Yes, it is a very good idea…


End file.
